We aren’t coming home without him and we are not letting him come home alone. That’s an agreement we all made. We would fly to Anchorage to be there with Mike and to bring our boy home.

May 13th, 2022:

After very little sleep over the last two days, we wake up early to head to the airport. Shelby drove back to St. Augustine to take us, so we wouldn’t have to drive ourselves.

The day before we sat on the bed, Gini had a ticket ready to be purchased. Someone needed to be there with Mike. He shouldn’t have to do this alone. You could tell that Joy wanted, needed, to be there as well, so we added a ticket for her. We could see the look of complete sadness and unrest in Amber’s eyes, knowing she wanted to be there too. She was very torn, she didn’t want to leave her confused and grieving babies. But she also couldn’t stand to be away from us, knowing what we were about to face.

Our Uncle, Aunt and cousins offer to stay with the kids so Amber could be with us. It was Sommer’s last week of high school, and here she watching over the kids and animals with her family so we could be together. Family is so very important.

As we arrived at the airport, we all took a moment to hug each other. We all cried and Shelby headed back home. She knew how important this was for us to do, but also how hard it would be to get through.

Once in the airport away from everyone, the three girls, sat down and held each other crying. We hadn’t had a moment alone since it happened. Our family and friends watched after us, making sure there was food, making sure we drank water, coffee, anything.

Amber ran into a coworker heading out to Las Vegas and they held each other. It was a moment of comfort and peace seeing each other.

Gini remembered she hadn’t spoken with her boss.. had to make that call. Of course they understood. Get to Alaska, bring him home, we will talk after.

With every stop, the anxiety grew.

As we landed in Anchorage, a swarm of men in uniform greeted us, and we finally see Mike. It’s the first time we’ve been able to hold each other, the four of us. I’m not sure I could explain the emotions in that first group hug. The silence, the airport noise was drowned out by painful silence.

The day was a blur. Obtain a visitor pass, make it to the Fisher House, start the search for answers. We had no idea what to expect. We tried to sleep. The best we could.

The men that greet us, that drive us around, these are the same men that were there with Seth. These young men are in charge of us now. The young men who watched him take his last breath, who held his hand and stood watch, they were with us from the moment we arrive. It was their honor as they said. We were concerned with their emotions as well. They had just witnessed a horrible tragedy. Their friend had passed, and now they must watch over his family.

The next day we are taken to his truck. We wanted to immediately go to his apartment. But we actually couldn’t remember his address. Once we found it, we make our way there. Driving to his apartment, in his truck. Without him.

Once we arrive and open the door, the overwhelming sadness hits again. He had spent quite a bit of time decorating. Pictures of the family were hung on the wall. A John Wayne photo also adorned the wall. His favorite Florida Gator blanket was on the couch.

We open the fridge, his dinner from the night before he passed, was still there. He made steak tacos. Of course he saved them, the boy loved leftovers. There were a few beers in the fridge, He had a guest room, where Amber and I were supposed to stay when we visited in August. The room was filled with hunting gear.

We walked into his room. We see his clothes in the closet, his Dress Blues hanging up, his flannels, and his crocs; this was his home. The Dress Blues had just been worn a couple of weeks prior for the Army Ball, there may of may not have been a flask still in the pocket.

The Fisher house is a home on base where family’s and veterans can stay while visiting family or visiting the base under certain circumstances. They provide meals and rooms, free of charge for families and soldiers. It is a beautiful building and they have given us two rooms during our stay.

We find hoodies and sweat pants of his and throw them on. They smell like him. It might sound odd, but it brought a little comfort.

The next day, briefings, introductions, so many “I’m so sorry for your loss”. So many unanswered questions.

Amber and Gini decide the next day to sleep over at his apartment. Not wanting to leave. Not wanting to meet another person, or shake another hand. Our sense of time is off. From the jet lag, the exhaustion, the emotional and mental overload and then the daylight that never seems to end, we all just need to lay down.

That night, the two sisters lay down in his bed, turn on Harry Potter and try to sleep. We grabbed a beer and poured some Jameson from the bottle in the kitchen. Our eyes so swollen from the tears. Harry Potter was our favorite.

In the middle of the night, on the edge of the bed, it feels like someone has sat down. It’s just Amber and Gini there. Mike and Joy have gone back to the Fisher House. It’s just the girls, and what we believe was Seth, letting us know he was right there with us. The feeling is so overwhelming. We close our eyes in silence, tears running down our face. Holding each others hand, praying for morning.

The days that come next, you would think become easier, but they do not.